Will Zombies Eat CrossFit Brains?

Thanks to the Shelley Vernon and the CrossFit Platinum ladies for including us in your team. There I am in my favourite pink CrossFit community shirt.

Thanks to the Shelley Vernon and the CrossFit Platinum ladies for including us in your team. There I am in my favourite pink CrossFit community shirt.

If the zombie apocalypse happens today I’m screwed. So are boxes full of CrossFitters around SA. While the rest of the country will be running, scaling buildings and piloting jumbo jets to freedom with the grace of Mila Jovovich, we’ll be laying groaning on the ground moaning like beached whales.

Why? Because so many of us celebrated Mandela day with a full 67 minutes of CrossFit on Saturday. That means this morning squatting to pee without screaming is at best an improbability; outrunning brain-hungry zombie hordes a definite impossibility.

On the other hand, so many of us celebrated Mandela day with 67 minutes of CrossFit on Saturday. That means we’re almost certainly missing the part of our brains responsible for logic and common sense. So maybe the zombies won’t want our brains after all.

Burpees and other nasties

In the Cape, where the scenery is pretty, the air is soaked with wine, and penguins roam free; the coaches need to find particularly vengeful ways to remind people that the world out there isn’t all sea-spray and bare feet. So I wasn’t surprised that CrossFit Tokai’s idea of fun to raise funds for school fees and supplies for the kids in their community was doing 67 minutes of burpees.

When Kirsty Elliot contacted me to say she and Gina Goosen were taking insanity to a new level with their Burpees4Bursaries event I was eager to help. I could have sponsored some buckets. (No one wants to miss reps by running all the way to the bathroom to puke.). I could have simply sent the number for a good psychiatrist in the area. But I didn’t, I did the next best thing; on Saturday morning I checked into the trauma ward – “trauma” as in causing not curing – affectionately known as CrossFit Bryanston.

Here Tulip Pugs Albert van Zyl and Dave Ayres (they make me as happy as a pug in a field of tulips) were running an event in support of Tokai’s Burpees4Bursaries. But in an effort to prove that Joburg CrossFitters are rougher and tougher – our bodies run on diesel not blood – they added other nasty stuff to the burpees.

Burpees and other Nasties involved 67 reps at each of 10 stations with 67 minutes to do it in. I would say they planned 67 minutes of hell, but that’s being a little hard on hell, after all they don’t have thrusters down there.

Is my sweat angel your sweat, Angel?

The morning went as these mornings tend to do. People I’m sure I’ve never even seen before kept referring to conversations we’ve apparently had. Glassy eyed, drooling people I’m sure I know fairly well walked straight past my frantically waving self without greeting. (Maybe the zombies got them already.) And at some point I realised the puddle of sweat I was doing push-ups in wasn’t mine.

Love over zombies and chalk over grey matter

But as always, if I closed my eyes while I did my goblet squats and blocked out the screaming and grunting of a box full of people, if I silenced the sound of a room full of chalked hands slamming and swinging and throwing heavy stuff, I could hear it … one sound throbbing beneath the cacophony of sounds. One steady, pounding sound reverberating through my body and filling my chest.

Behind the hundreds of sounds assaulting my mind there was one sound ringing loud and clear. Just one! The sounds of our combined heartbeat.

Because on days like this we’re not working on getting ourselves stronger of fitter or faster. On days like today we WOD to make someone else feel stronger, better, hopeful.

On days like today we’re not a bunch of boxes, we’re one community. And even if we WOD with our teams and our friends, we all WOD with our hearts. And when we do it with one purpose, one passion, one love; those few extra reps we manage won’t change the world, but they will change someone’s.

And so this morning, behind the barking of my dogs and the trance pumping in my car and the cappuccino machine bubbling and screeching, I sweat I can still hear that beat. And the love is following me like a bobbing sherbet pink helium balloon.

To donate towards Burpees4Bursaries visit CrossFit Tokai’s Facebook page

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